Working and struggling just to make the next meal. The pain is unbearable. I feel the same way about Clay. That hurts. Its been 2 years since my mom died. Sometimes it just feels like a bad dream. I read about so many gone within a few months after losing their spouse and think how lucky they are! My Wife, best friend, confidant, solemate is gone. Margaret, your husband died after 46 years of marriage last year and mine round the same time after 45 years. I feel like Im going insane. The first year was so very painful that I couldnt even bare having the dog around that he loved so much, that I gave him away. We had an age gap of 14 years and he was like a father to me. I dreaded what I knew my heart would feel.. that horrible ache for him, missing him, his voice, his laugh, his incredible hugs. Every moment where I was happy and excited was mixed with sadness and anger that my wife was not experiencing this. not only was he the love of my life he was my best friend he is the one i would have turned to to ask ok, what do i do now..i dont know where i fit in the world now. Shapes of the clouds. Im sorry i dont have an answer for you but i want you too know that you and your feelings are not alone. It is very hard to look at all these people in the face and lie with a smile on your face, telling them that youre okay.. We had selected and paid for our weding bands. Life is so unfair. But here I am. He had a massive heart attack but the insurance said he was not sick enough to have the tests to get treatment. What helped me a little was to think that she was traveling and that she was coming back home in a few days We are more aware of those around us and of what we no longer have like pouring salt into an open wound. Anyway we are ALLdifferent but for me sitting round crying ( I do at times) seems such a waste of MY life. There is always an emptyness in my heart. I left the hospital without my child and a shirt with all her blood on it. Guess what? The heavy chemo treatments, drs appts, etc left me so overwhelmed at the end. I hope you have found your way This week I will be starting the second year after my husbands death. My most often comment was I dont know how to do this. My 21 year old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia and died 14 days later from a brain hemorrhage resulting from the chemo treatment. If there is a God please let me die. My boyfriend Michael passed away suddenly two years ago. I thank you so much for sharing. But they are all difficult to get through without him. I lost my firstborn precious child, my 10 year old son a few days away from 14 months ago. But, my life, as a widower, as a single man, did not include them just like, I really didnt fit into their life I wasnt their sister, their aunt, or theyre best friend. Those kinds of moments are among the hardest because they bring us face-to-face with our new reality by reminding us of how much we miss the profound bond of love that we experienced in doing the simplest things together. The pain will ease, it never goes but you learn to live a new life and found growth. I always wonder if this normal. It never sets you up for well we knew it was going to happen. I need one that tells me when we will be together again. He passed unexpectedly while on our first trip since retiring. Its tough, 2 years ago my wife had back surgery the third morning after surgery she complained of a hard time breathing early the next day the hospital called and she passed from a blood clot. I hope you are living well in the world of the creator. I woke up in Bed a Saturday Morning on the 15th of December 2018 and she passed in her sleep. That was September 2013. Want. I am glad I found this site Than you for reading this and I do understand your pain. They say it will get easier, man I hope it does. This family maximum is determined as part of every Social Security benefit computation. Let the grief happen but look after yourself too. Some not so bad. Much love everyone. So everyday I get up and miss them both terribly. brain tumor surgery. Every moment I remember her, not a single day after she left I did not crymy family/friends say you must move on. Im carrying my grief alone, with friends that will never understand the pain, and a sister that is suffering just as much as me. Wendy I lost my mother two yrs ago this December 22, 2017. I have no passion for anything and I feel an immense guilt that wont go away. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at OHare. I also have had the occasional feather float down into my hand but the big one for me is butterflies. Biden's order included a 60-day review. I have less friends here now because my husband is no longer here. read your post and it could a mirror of my life! I lost my parents, & two sisters and the pain could not compare with this. We were together for 27yrs married 19 yrs. I miss him so much. I have great sadness and empathy when I read your note. Im remember things I wish I would have done and several moments I wish I could have done better. When you loose a spouse the sad fact is nobody else on the planet has lost them like you have. wow. Weekday Calculator - What Day is this Date? Is it because the 1 year anniversary brings back intense pain & memories? I just cant believe hes gone. My Husband of 53 Years had a stroke in July of 2016. Dont expect today to be hard and tomorrow to be easy. You must first, get rest. But I still have so many questions. I have had to make tough decisions on what I can handle. He was so above pettiness and saw things though a better side of life. Its horrific. Granted, it was the best way for him, but he was not sick, i had no warning. I lost my mum 13 months ago. Like he meant nothing. The cancer was already in his liver when they found it, so all that could be done is chemo to give him a little more time. Which was lovely and took the pressure of me. Being s mum of our two little girls takes up everything I have to give, the major part to this aching missing, remembering. I still think about my husband everyday and I still miss him, but now when I think of him its with a smile. I lost my wife on August 12, 2018. Im 61 going into 2 years without my wife of 24.its still hard to cope. My husband died after autopsy report. Its been crazy. What did the doctors miss? He thought he had a muscle spasm under his shoulder blade, I ask him are you sure your chest doesnt hurt, your arm. I lost my husband and best friend Aug. 30th 2017. The only approach is to get STRONGER, so I can carry it more easily and for as long as I have to. I wish there was a bigger word than love that could describe how I felt for her. I wont give you any of the tired and pathetic pieces of common advice. I am just that a misfit. I just feel it,s getting worse. visitors from Search Engine (by keyword) Collapsed at our 49th anniversary dinner. Im so sorry for your lossyour grief appears to be a response to a great connection and therefore a great loss of companionship and love. 7 Steps for Managing Grief and Loss - Mayo Clinic News Network If a child receives Survivors benefits, he or she can get up to 75 percent of the deceased parent's basic Social Security benefit. I still grieving my life totally revoved around them especially when mum got sick. I might not cry several times a day like before, there is just a constant state of sadness & loss, wanting & longing to share what we had together as loving soul mates. Biden's $1.5 trillion budget proposal also did not call for funding for the construction of the border wall. Im now starting the 2nd year after the sudden loss of the love of my life. Urban. I am English but have a wonderful friend in Alabama also a widow . Whatever the truth of mortality is, I wish someone would have told me in those early months that no one else can know or own your love. Everyone deals with it in their own way. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. I wont do away with myself, but hope someday soon, it will be over. I sat today looking through the plethora of pictures of her and I'm just so happy I had what little time I did with her. i have so little motivation to work. We married at age 19. It has been over 2 years and I still miss him so. Ive felt lonely and sometimes I dont know how to cope with the loss and pain. Died. I just feel this big void in my life and I just I will be never The first year was numb. Im living for him as well. I lost my sister over 2 years ago and as you can see, Im up at 12 AM on a workday looking for some words of encouragement. Since I lost my son. Even though some of our stories vary the seem to be the same. I am really hoping as time goes by it gets better. This year, however, i really noticed how each are busy with their own lives nowtho i am sure would come if i called, theres nothing they can do. I became a widow 25 months ago. The last year and a half was the hardest as she began to lose the fight. It does ease after a while. Its so much to deal with even with a grievance counselor. I would fix it if I could but I now know deep down that I cant. Most shy away from me because?? What is more suffering compared to what I have lost? My husband of 29 years died 21 months ago after a three year illness he was only 55. How does one explain, the years of laughter, loving, holding hands, winks toward each other, many, many memories of simple days They came to everything I was involved in from adolescence into adulthood. In 2016 diagnosed stage 4 cancer in July Dr said aggressive cancer and he wont see Christmas, I couldnt breathe or talk I felt numb. But mostly hurt and emptyness. Like you my life has changed completely I feel I am a different person, Im not sure I know myself. And had the door open when I came home at night. When he died, a part of me died with him. I can only say that with time, the pain and heartache will always be there, it just mellows with time. I just found a counselor that I will see the end of July. I was absolutely devastated. The 1 year anniversary of his death is in a couple days. He spent 2 months in hospitals. What signs did I miss that I should have picked up on? I sit here now 23 months later with tears flowing endlessly. As seasons go, you would probably consider this one very dark. I cant finish these details. I have been crying for him now for two days solid, praying every night that he will come for me. By 4 months old, your baby can remember that your face has disappeared when you play peek-a-boo, or that a ball has rolled out of sight. I too lost a beloved Uncle in May 2020, not from Covid19, quite suddenly. Unfortunately, Im taking anti-anxiety meds on occasion to quell the freak-outs (which I dont like doing and had NEVER done before), but I seem to need them right now. He was so close to me just like a little brother. I take one step then the next then the next. She deserves a life filled with hope and happy times. My mom will be gone 2 years this coming May. I feel so helpless and guilty to have lost her. I wish I were there to give you a hug. Humans have the capacity to share themselves with another press. Jean Marie Feils, 82, of Plainview, passed away February 24, 2023 at St. Mary's Hospital in Rochester, MN. I was totally blank, dont know what to think nor what I feel, totally felt nothing. Her not being here Dont blame yourself please. I was told by a nurse in hospice to sit with him and let him know Id be alright if he left. When I left there somethnig came over me and I knew what happened there was WAY bigger than anything I could have imagined. We started a church 8 years ago with a small group of people and our lives were filled with helping others and spending time with our kids & grandkids. Its been a year and 5 months since I lost my husband. Ive lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have just been reading through this site and found your response to minelike you..I dont want to socialise..I go to work..come home to the whirlpool of love from my two puppies..you and I are so blessed to have our furriesI know I will never have another soul mate and am so thankful to have been so loved and accepted for who I am ..may our boys rest in peace until we are together again..hope you have settled into your job.work will help keep us both going..hugs..ann. Yes we exist- I endlessly question why? I feel so alone and just want to go home to him. I pray the memories of her life will last forever. I pray all of you that God will wrap his arms around you. The 2nd year was worse. I take diazepam about twice a month when I feel Im about to go through an attack of anxiety. I have read most of the posts..we are all in pain..it has been 1 year 1 month and 6 days since I lost my best friend my anchor..I live interstate away from my two children..I work full time and have lots lf work colleagues..my lifelong friend lives interstate..I have two dogs and no close friends outside of work.suddenly my pain and lonliness seems to be more devastating that in the first 12 months..people think I am tough and have done really well and appear happy again.how wrong they all are..underneath this fascade is a really sad person whose heart has broken wide open.right now I seriously feel being dead would be easier..I am empty inside with no future to look forward to.even my sense of humour which I am renowned for has died with my hubbyI do motivate muself to go oit and am surrounded by couples only enforcing on how lonely I ama person who used to be extra energetic, happy, always laughing..this person is now dead inside with no wish to carry on with my life.not sure how long I can go on for..if it werent for my dogs I would have left this life months agodont care any more..sorry..but there is no way I can tell anyone how I feel..not even my Grief Counsellor..I know I am not the only one of us who feels like this so whoever you are you will know exactly how I am feelingand no..I will not use antidepressants..I am not depressed there ks no medication for heartbreak. Hi to all. I miss him dearly, I am asking same question as you . However he ended up with 3 stage ulcers . I pray for all of us that someday we will find true joy again. . People who have not been through the sudden death of a spouse have no idea. On the way to get my daughter and son. I have photos of him everywhere and just stand in front of them every time I walk past. Watching all my friends with their husbands makes me so sad. She never gave up and her hope was as strong as ever. I was with my husband since 17 years old and 46 years married. A blessing one night though. There is no words that will make sense of our loss. Year 2 started and reality set in and the pain and heartache is unbearable. I am at the 16 month mark and it seems to be getting harder. Even though sometimes we accept that this is life but life seems unfair at times. I didnt get to tell him while looking into his eyes that I loved him so much and him the same with me I wish I could hear him say to me just one more time how much he loved me so. But I loved you, and always will. After being married for 42 years. And amid the lessening, there are still periods where you feel as though its the 2nd month all over again. All I do is cry. Im coming up on 2 years in April. I lost my husband 18 days before our 50th wedding anniversary. I hate that people talk about it as a loss like divorce or getting laid off. But mostly not going to my mums everyday. Some days I still feel so depressed he was my best friend. Its not temporary but you will learn to live with it.You have to.I lost my wife of 33 years due to a terrible firearms accident.My uncle is 92 years old and we are very close.His time is limited.I know how you feel! If You Are Young and Lose a Parent - Social Security Matters Thanks for sharing your story and God bless and comfort you too. The second year I think in some ways My birthday. The grief is unbearable today as last week, last month, last year. The memories we've made will go on and on. It's been a little over 2 months since my Mom passed away. Checked in Miss you dad! Whats a person to do with that, and where to go from here? I lost my mum very unexpectedly and suddenly on the 27th october 2018. (Still not sure how I managed to give birth to 4 children!). He was the best husband and father! I was so grief stricken as we had done everything possible to make a good life for him, he was our SON SUN. That is a revealing statement and I think your church, which is a family, will prove to be a lifesaver. Occassionally it makes me actually sick. I try to filter the thoughts in my mind so as not to feel the pain. custom URL tracking provided I hope you know you've been in our thoughts and heart every day since. Although we got to say our good byes. Of course, other times the pain is raw and I can not imagine going forward without her. Noreen, Its just about a year since my husband of 55 years died. When you lose someone that close to you it is the one time when you can tell the whole world to go jump in a lake if it expects you to get on with things. Wishing you peace on this day of remembrance. Night. I relive it every day when I go to sleep when I wake up. I like many of you put on the false gleeful faade, but I am screaming inside. Even though it has been a long time, it's still hard to believe that she's gone!. How I just want 5 minutes with him to tell him he was the kindest most gentlest man I ever knew. It has been 2 years since you passed away. I got through the first year because of being the only one that could handle all of the problems and stuff that takes place after the bread winner passes suddenly. I lost my grandfather who I was very close with. He was my life and it feels over. Im so sorry for your losses. My heart still beats, but my mind is not into anything. The last time I rubbed his arm and told him mom and I are here. His father had heart disease and We knew he had probably inherited his fathers genes for heart disease who passed at forty six and his father before him passed at forty two. She passed after 8 months. Im still waiting for the Universe show me the way. I wish you better days and be glad you experienced a great love. Ill know when the time is right. Saying Im sorry for your loss doesnt cut it but being thru situations Im sorry youre lost because I know I am. I keep asking myself inside and out how can this be. Hiya Holly. Thank you for sharing. I am afraid that if I dont learn to balance my grief with finding happiness I will jeopardize a future together. Absolutely no warning. I have good friends and a lovely daughter, but she is in a bad place with it all too. The grief process has been awful but I am working with it. I pray alot. My story is like yours, the most sudden pulmonary embolism of the love of my life. Everyone learns to readjust to it just being us that arrives for get together Some relationships didnt make it. 6) All my life I kept wishing to grow older so I could finally move out and do my own thing. I made her . So I hope and pray you find comfort and some measurable amount of peace. Though true, it doesnt help. When, I feel as you (and I do feel that way), I think of what my beautiful wife and friend would do or say. One thing is I have to learn to live with is the new normal. He lived with leukaemia for 7 years and it was being managed and seemed to be doing well. The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) told people to give . I sat with her for a week in palliative care, with my dad. Now this week is his anniversary and Im a real crazy mess. On May 28th I came home from work and found my husband had passed in his easy chair. The reality of knowing that isnt going to happen is so heartbreaking. Also took her mind of it to for a bit. Always believe she would come back..I dont tell anyone how much I miss her as nobody lisen to me, just say move ondont know what to do and how to live. But I realised life has to carry on. I took for granted that everyones dad was like this, but seeing how my partners dad is, he doesnt even come close, he doesnt come to see our little girl despite living not far, my dad lived for my little girl always asking for her on his almost daily calls and despite his bad knees would be on the floor with her making her laugh. . The second year is different in many ways, first that some people expect you to be over it. My great uncle Moe Doerfler will be gone for 2 years on September 23rd and I sure miss him. I think that people mean well. I guess my advice: allow yourself to feel whatever you feel whenever you feel and have a really good friend willing to let it all happen however you need. The first year the crying was more intense now its deeper in a way. The second year of grief is like reliving the first year but awake. ~ C.R. Rest, and take care of your body and mind, and let grief do its work. God has healed me quite a bitI have never felt closer to my King, but there are times when I just miss her so much that the fog comes over me again. The good news is you're the pilot." -". Susan was the only person who ever truly understood me and love me unconditionally. Heartache. She passed in August 2017, and we dedicated our 2018 season, featuring 'Two Crowns,' by Randy Vader and Jay Rouse, to her memory." Diana Williams Martin "I started a candle business in honor of my Rosita Bonita. He left me 2 dogs, one pregnant one.
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it's been 9 months since you passed away