I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. Whos there? Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. I stepped on a rake.". Keep your sense of humor. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. A hole in one of a kind model. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. Putter Around. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. So, I'm on the first tee with him. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. Read more: Hilarious poop jokes that kids will love! Why a carrot as a logo? Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. . Do you know what the Lama says? That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. Lee Trevino. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Its to move on. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Clubbing. 4. "I'm the best. Twelfth son of the Lama. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? My drives aren't always long and straight. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. Everyday I'm Schauffele. THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. A great shot is when you pull it off. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. I had a hole in nothing. Spread your legs a little more. In case he gets a hole in one. What is a golfers favorite bird? "If you break 100, watch your golf. The battle that raged inside each players head. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Id cry too if I played golf like you. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! Thats incredible. Because they might get a slice. Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? What do you call a blonde at the driving range? A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! Why not! The right place is right here with me, in my bed. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. I chipped in from the rough! These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Because all the other four letter words were taken. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. You okay with that? After 18 holes I can barely walk. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. -Bob Hope -Lee Trevino I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? What do you call a blonde at a golf course? PG Wodehouse. You are signed up for our newsletter! He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Check it out now! Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. All lip, no hole. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. Do you know why the game is called golf? 20. Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Why do golfers hate cake? Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. See you in the Email! We share them in our weekly newsletter. Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. P.G. Toggle Navigation Menu . Lift your head and spread your legs. Wodehouse, 31. A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! The fourth putt! Enjoy! Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. Or under. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Wash your balls. 3. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. Your email address will not be published. Lee Trevino, 59. 3. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. Happy Gilmore. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? Try choking donw on the shaft. I like big putts and I cannot lie. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. Any birdie will do. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. When your golf cart capsizes. Knock, knock The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. How many strokes was that? "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? This post may contain affiliate links. nay I my child, and eke, oh! The other 20. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? 3. Sir W.G. I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. Its almost a law. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. Boo. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. Because you got me soaking wet. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". Ben Hogan. In case he got a hole in one! After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Noah who? Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. It can be rewarding. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. 2. I am a Musician. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. I give him the driver. Your email address will not be published. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. Find the ball. Hit the ball. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. Because it would interrupt their tea time. 2. He was puttering around. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. Dirty Golf Sayings. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! The most important shot in golf is the next one. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. Missed the ball and sank the divot. How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. 7. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. The guys who come These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. Basketball is a sport for black men. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. ", You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? So I thought I should start a website about jokes. A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Sunday Service. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. Short Golf Sayings And Quotes For Good Luck Shots, Funny Golf Quotes For Ladies And Gentlemen, TOP 30 Best Sayings On Theory | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Sayings On Sweet Love | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Notable Quotes About Subtle | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Quotes About Volunteerism | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Top Quotes About Snuggle | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 27+ Revolutionary Sayings On Hysterical | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Favorite Sayings About Hypocrites | Free Hd Background Images Download, 92+ Meaningful Sayings About Hypocrisy | Free Hd Wallpaper Images Download, 21+ Creative Sayings About Hypnosis | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, 12+ Beautiful Sayings On Hype | Free Hd Background Pictures Download. Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. My shaft is bent. Fore! How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? had to choose, right ? 20. Intercourse! Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. Fore-get Me Nots. Bruce Lansky. Learn More. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? The Dalai Lama himself. Correct one fault at a time. 2. Roarin' Mcllroy ~ George Bernard Shaw. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. Go to the golf course. -Happy Gilmore. The end. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Don't dirt your soul. Whos there? My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. ~ Victor Hugo. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the
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dirty golf quotes