His friends also wouldnt let their wives go? If my wife was going off just to gamble and get wasted with other dudes Id be against that too., I highly doubt he posed it as My wifes company keeps taking business trips to Las Vegas. You can easily avoid all the sinful things to do in Vegas, if you want to. Shes very, very conservative Christian, as is her husband. Try to stop expecting reasonable behaviour from your spouse when hes in this anxious state. Advising someone that most religious counselors would agree with professional norms doesnt help someone in Bible Belt USA or traditionally Catholic Ireland or in rural Saudi Arabia. If we could afford flying we would have. A city with a lot of hotels and legalized gambling, but it also has residential neighborhoods, malls, schools, etc. He cant expect his partner to sacrifice herself to the whims of his anxiety. Illegal prostitution happens in Vegas, to be sureas it happens pretty much everywhere in the country. I went to Vegas last year and didnt do anything Vegas-y, other than see one show. Ive felt less safe in a couple of places in my own city. (Gendering the partners here solely for the purpose of clarity and conciseness. If you have time to arrange a therapist, try to meet with several and then pick the one that is the best fit. In no way am I saying if he does have anxiety its totally okay for him to be a controlling ass not at all. My jaw literally dropped. I think OP and her husband are from a more conservative background. They just find more things to get worried about. My company had an annual meeting in Vegas a few years ago, that I wasnt important enough to attend, and I was crazy jealous. Get yourself some counseling, with or without your husband (and explore whether or not this is the type of relationship that is healthy for you to continue to be in). The whole letting her go thing could be controlling or abusive, but it could also refer less to physical ability to go there and more not letting her go in peace, or without a bunch of needy whining adult tantrums. Unless OP has a history of partying hard and getting black-out drunk (which doesnt seem to be the case), I think theres little to worry about here. He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go. Its not really a fun place to go for work. 8 1 11 1. Ive had several week-long business trips in CA the last few years and its a non-event. Youre better equipped than anyone here to judge whether hes capable of moving past his insecurities and choosing not to or if theyre something totally beyond his control, but you should get to the point of understanding that this is his own baggage and the only reasonable things you should feel about them is either sadness that your husband is falling to this sort of insane thinking or frustration that hes letting his insecurities get the better of him, whichever of those you think is more appropriate to your situation. I had to go to Vegas once a year for a few days at my last job and I hated it. Especially as she is the primary breadwinner, shes got to be allowed to do her jobeven if it means travelling to Vegas. And Im sure theres a lot more I dont know about. me go. I dont want men to dismiss womens fears, but I have personally had more experience with the opposite men deciding to tell me why I cant/shouldnt do something adventurous. These dudes tend to not understand how little theyre contributing in any significant fashion, and theyre shockedshocked!when the women theyre with realize whats going on and leave them. Also made me think about the impact TV can have on our beliefs about the world. Actually if you go off the Strip theres quite a few things to see and do around Vegas (also non-gambler here), desert hikes, assorted museums (notably neon art & the mob), and my personal favorite the Pinball Hall of Fame which has 100+ playable pinball machines (old and new). Also by facing the problem together wife will know what steps he need she to do to get better on this/call him out if he isnt doing it. Theres other stuff to when she was in Vegas last she dressed differently and the way she talked to me. Itd be easy for the husband to dismiss the wifes concerns as Well SHE wants to cheat. You are not required to live it with someone who makes you miserable and is not willing to work on the problem. We live in an at-will dating society, where either party can end the relationship at any time, with or without cause and with or without notice. I have friend who grossly exaggerates the number of people who support his stance, nevermind the the biasing in surveying. Its also fascinating, because it makes me wonder about his friends. Im so glad to see this response here. Thank you so much for your response! Him: Yeah, she does this every couple of months, and it never lasts. Also, they have very little money, so we are . Counseling is a great start. by Alison Green on September 27, 2017. Not sure which update youre looking atshe says she meant wouldnt in that sentence, which means exactly what Coffee Lover is saying. and my husbands main reaction has been I hope you have a great time, and Im glad you are not trying to get me to go too. OPs husbands friends would have a conniption if they heard about my situation! They might feel left out or unimportant. She takes trips with friends, or solo, a few times a year. Chances are the same thing would have happened in New York or San Francisco or wherever. I think Id feel safer there than in my own city, where things can get desolate sometimes. We stay at mid-level resorts and usually pay about $40 a night. I hate the idea that the LWs husband feels like he has some kind of power to tell his spouse that she cant go on this trip. It gives him something else to focus on, so he isnt sitting on the couch by himself, watching TV and brewing in anxiety. I really hope it does lead to the OP getting help. Why doesnt he trust you? Yep, this was one of my thoughts this might be a seriously overactive anxiety problem at work. It got dark on my (2-hour!) Jeez, we all married the same guy. There are times when I feel safer in Vegas than I do my own city. Lastly, if you know your husband likes to stay home, bring the party to your house. If the question was my husband is forbidding it because of emergency X then we still have the same issue. It is okay for you to make normal daily choices even if your husband feels anxious about them. I dont worry about it because why would i? Needless to say, I did not find this a compelling argument for reconciling. Its like the person who tried to quit, and their boss polls the other managers and then tells employee that the other managers all agree, employee does not have a good enough reason to quit. Before you talk with your husband, try tounderstand why hedidnt want you there. A Group Leader is a What to Expect community member who has been selected by our staff to help maintain a positive, supportive tone within a group. According to my in-laws, any apartment within walking distance of a Mexican restaurant had to be in a horrible and crime-infested part of town. Studies show that men who are outearned by their wives and cannot cover the households bills with their own income generally act out more about their successful wives. 7. Mind you, I never told them that they shouldnt go (did tell my wife at the WTF? What if you could guarantee there wouldnt be any impact on your career either way, and your husband didnt have an opinion either way? Yeah, there are definitely shady parts of Vegas, in the same way are in almost every city. Dont try totalk yourself into thinking that itdoesnt matter orthat they didnt mean anything byit. : Dont bring your kids to The Thunder Down Under that show doesnt have anything to do with the weather) but its pretty safe, relatively speaking. The kind of overwhelming, intrusive anxiety postulated here is still a control issue, 100%. Oh, for sure. Tell your husband to get a grip, and then yes, get some counseling to get over this anxiety. You can always spend less at a Days Inn or Holiday Inn or similar 3-star facility. I wear a light, carry a phone, and stay in my neighborhood where I know whats normal and whats not til the sun goes up. Do NOT potentially sabotage your career over this, especially if you are the main breadwinner. Or is it just that hes an anxious person in general? He doesnt get to say you cant do anything. And if you go to Roppongi or Kabuki-cho and get wasted at a sketchy bar, then yeah, turns out you have greatly increased the odds that someone will steal your wallet. Marriage counseling implies that she has some part to play in this; individual therapy for him would help him manage his expectations of realistic safe behavior in a marriage and at work. Dont choke or burn yourself! Maybe he needs counseling for anxiety. Oooh, Ive heard of the mob museum. When people ask me why, I reply that I dont drink, gamble, or enjoy naked women, so theres little to attract me there aside from some pretty good food, which I can get anywhere. Charleston. My husband is like this, perhaps to a slightly lesser extent. Me too!.which is probably why Im not married ;). Should I never go anywhere? (Note: relationship = 3-4 months of long-distance dating, which I quickly realized was a Bad Idea.) Actually, prostitution is NOT legal in Las Vegas and gambling is legal in a Million places in the United States. after that. Thank you so much for being the voice of reason here. There are opportunities everywhere for illicit behavior, even at home. Pretty much. Your house is on fire, it doesnt matter if you wash the car or not. There are lots of places in the country where the approach the OP describes is perfectly normal, and where its a lot harder work to find somebody who disagrees. Then the next day drive another five hours and spend the night in a hotel then the final day if we drove five hours we would be at the beach. Think of it this way if you give in on this to avoid conflict, what will be next? I understand your point, but I think that it is in the LWs best interest to suggest counseling first since she says her husband is otherwise reasonable and kind. And thats Congo. I hope youll get the chance to play some poker while youre there. [He loves playing poker but seldom gets to play, as Im not a fan of the game.]. Just like someone might look for a spouse who is athletic or smart or has a certain sense of humor or earning power, it might be important that FutureSpouse has the skills to share a household with the in-laws. I mean, she could get kidnapped! I get heated at the principle of spouses letting each other do things. My husband was recently sent to Vegas for a week on two days notice and my response was pretty much the same. As a non-gambler I found Las Vegas boring as hell. Im going to disagree with your last sentence. Plan and reminisce together to create shared anticipation beforehand and shared . But its also wildly irrelevant in terms of a OPs business trip. Group Leaders communicate with staff moderators and escalate potential violations for review, but they dont moderate discussions. I got a sense of that with first part of the letter, but then the follow-up indicated he said his pals would not LET their spouses/sig others go well, thats a pretty bright red flag there. Why would you visit Vegas when you live in NOLA, unless it was for work. Well, it depends. We of course send the Im here texts and goodnight and such. He told me one day that the previous weekend, a few months before the upcoming wedding, his fiance broke up with him while they were sitting on the couch watching TV. My Husband Wants My Mother- In- Law on The Trip!!! Maybe this has been mentioned already (I started skimming when all the comments were the same OUTRAGE) but, would it be possible for your husband to come with you on this trip? There are some really great desert trails out there! Also conferences in Vegas are soul-crushingly awful and boring. I say go for it! We are individual people, and of course we take each other into account, but ultimately neither of us is the others possession or pet. Sometimes walking away is the only thing you can do. simple path graph example; tahoe blue vodka costco; emt patient assessment cheat sheet pdf Alternar men. By letting him come chaperone her once I worry that now hell believe this is reasonable and that he should chaperone all future work travel then all interactions with work colleagues, with single men, etc. Husband Hates Socializing - Chabad.org Biking to work? Ill be honest, my first thought was not anxiety, but control and maybe future abuse. ! Um, Im going to my cousins house. Another option is to share infowhen you get there take a picture of where you are stayingshow the agenda, let him know what you are doing, check in at the end of the night. About 3 months in (together 3 years now), I went for a very long walk, in a not-well-lit, bad sidewalks area, as I was used to doing. I was just coming here to ask if she asked him to Turn his key!. My spouse travels for work all the time. In THAT case, that is a super not-normal response, and its very strange that theres a whole group of people who support this thinking. Ive gone to Vegas for work and my husband just told me to have a good time and made jokes about what kind of stuff I might get up to while I was there because we knew Id mostly be bored and cranky with the work situation. (FWIW Im married and work FT and during tax season Ive come home at 10-12 PM. That sounds more like a problem with the type of people your employer has hired, as opposed to being a problem with Vegas. Right on the top!! Almost every hotel on the strip has some sort of tourist attractions be it rides, shows, or other types of attractions and you can spend the entire day walking from hotel to hotel to see what they offer and have a great (and relatively cheap!) The main drag did not feel dangerous to me at all. I cant imagine getting upset because he went on a business trip. Thats worrying about what other people will do TO me. My mom too! Many commenters are acting as though the husband made up this poll of people (everyone) to agree with him, which is not what she wrote or what happened. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation -03-2022, 0 Comments Just in case. My husband has some mental health issues (and some life experiences) that make him prone to excessive worry when I travel for work, and in my last job, I traveled A LOT. Youre not asking for permissionyoure telling him this is what youve decided. I'd hate for you to miss out because of the trip! Remember, what happens in Vegas stays on YouTube forever. < accurate. My husband used to be pretty bad about my work trips, too. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Theyre both controlled, predictable corporate environments that can provide controlled, predictable hospitality services, often at a price affordable enough to attract business conferences. Im glad you have found enough awareness around this issue to help you handle it. So, later this year I am going on a two-week hiking trip with a couple of friends one of whom is a man, even! Did you say, thanks for confirming that I need to get away from you immediately & forever? It also couldnt be. I did a big expo in Ocean City during the Spring everything was still closed, I spent a good chunk of it setting stuff up, taking stuff down, and generally stuck in a hotel and the only fun I had was going to a few restaurants and walking on the beach for half an hour. Maybe this is anxiety and maybe it isnt not every illogical or inappropriate behavior is mental illness but mental illness is never an excuse to be controlling or abusive. And shell never be the breadwinner, but again, thats what she signed up for from the get-to. I hope some of it is helpful to you in some way. Vegas is one of the cheapest options with the best meeting facilities. the religious environments patriarchal enough that it would be an inherent problem would ALSO have a problem with the woman being the one who works. Im betting its either a case of asking leading questions, an over-reporting of the amount of agreement received, or hearing more agreement than was actually being expressed on the part of OPs husband. Hecalledme, saying thatI acted childish becauseI pushed him totakeme, and Ieavesdropped. Just dont! as a 1000 decibel chorus of YES! Walking to work? I dont know, I think you are underestimating how the Internet has magnified the echo chamber effect. I'm lucky that she slept for most of the trip, but you can't assume that a 3 month old will sleep for 14 hours. But a positive first encounter with a therapist can change that, because, you know, therapists are trained to defuse and help unpack their misconceptions. should I tell my coworker about our colleagues criminal record, I deeply regret joining my companys leadership program, and more, my company is cutting my overworked teams pay as punishment for mistakes. Is something going on in your relationship that he feels like youre growing more emotionally apart, and physical distance will make him feel more alone? And in 2 days Im heading east solo for a wedding. This is also what I pictured especially if he freaks out like this regularly-ish (every time she has a trip its a big ongoing issue for a chunk of time), his friends might have just learned to ride out the rant with general affirmative noises. Honestly, it feels awful. Yeah, Vegas can be a skeezy place but I havent found it to be any worse than LA, Nashville, Cincinnati, New York, Seattle, Boston, or any of the other cities Ive been to. Is he OK generally and just bad about work trips? While that is a choice that some people wouldnt want to make, an annual business trip is very common. Yeah, like MakeThings Im picturing a lot of Mmmmm. You write that he is friendly but just doesn't like to socialize outside of the house. When I was growing up, my mom would take a week off in the winter and go on vacation with one or two friends. Furthermore, Vegas ALSO markets itself as a family vacation and business conference destination. Youre an adult, OP! The whole city is like a giant theme park for adults. It is ideally set up to host conferences. My husband and I both grew up in very traditional conservative homes, and so his support of my career means a lot to me. He needs to get over this, though if for no other reason than the financial security of the family. is a really good sign! So, considering that this issue really could be either one, I suppose its no wonder were seeing a lot of both here and it feels like they arecompeting? My in-laws (who I no longer speak to) freaked out when my wife and I got our current apartment because they found out it was across the street from the best Mexican restaurant in our city. I have no problem with him going to week-long management training or long weekends away for bachelor parties. When one leaves, its done!
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husband doesn t want to go on family vacation